Feeling kinda down

So I haven't been feeling all too well lately. I ended up missing class the second week of school for each of my classes. The Japanese class I'm taking is hardcore difficult to the max because of how much stuff we need to memorize within the short amount of time we have. (10 Hiragana Characters, the correct way to say and write them) Now unlike other tests  that are easy and you get "multiple choice" questions... THIS IS NOTHING LIKE IT. So you have your first 5 "questions" which is mostly 5 different chars (ka, ke, go, gu, gi) that need to be written in hiragana (the actual japanese characters), then the next 5-7 that are blank and have to be verbally told to us and typed out in hiragana. Seems simple enough, if you didn't have 2 days to memorize them and then a bunch of expressions and daily activities on top of that, on top of homework. Missing a day made me miss a quiz, attendance and homework, all of which can NOT be made-up for. SO... first quiz = 0% PLUS all the information on what's going to be on the next quiz (the next 10 characters), etc etc. I ended up confusing 2 characters with each other, so instead of getting the 70% I -would- have gotten from the day I missed .... I got less. Shit just seems WAY TOO HARD. But it gets WORSE. So whenever we have a quiz, our teacher puts the new stuff we have to learn.... WITH THE OLD STUFF. That is NOT making it ANY EASIER for me to catch up, since then I have to literally never even sleep to be able to memorize that shit, instead of the new shit I WILL be tested on... and my anxiety levels are fucking skyrocketing through the damn roof. Today... my anxiety kicked in RIGHT before class started... and I COMPLETELY blanked the hell out even though I studied. I'm pretty sure I'm getting a fucking 10% for today's quiz when I receive it back Thursday. Kinda outright just cried quietly in class. 


Through all of this massive shit that's just been piling on top of more shit on top of being stressed and needing to keep my grades up... I have to say I'm SUPER thankful to my boyfriend. He's been super supportive lately and it means so much to me, especially right now when I feel like just giving up and running away like I always do. Got home today and was just... bummed, literally didn't even feel like doing anything other than laying in bed and wallowing in self-pity of how badly I fucked up on that quiz today. Alas, le man was like "Stop it, you're wasting time." And I was like "Yeaaaa...... yea yea..." and got up and started studying/doing homework. At least someone is keeping me motivated, supported and in-check. 

Thank you baby. ;~;  ♥